Peace Treaty
The following is a transcription of a taped talk entitled "Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is the description of how his community uses the “Peace Treaty” - a practice for the mindful handling of conflict. Below that is the actual treaty document.
In Plum Village (Thich Nhat Hahn’s community in France), when we experience conflict, we practice the “peace treaty” to maintain communication. It is a practice to relieve our suffering without harming the other person, without harming our self. We use the peace treaty to deal with our wrong perceptions, our anger, our irritation. Every time you notice that anger is coming up, you start practicing the peace treaty. In Plum village, all of us sign the peace treaty and commit to practicing it.
Anger and hatred are the opposite of loving kindness and compassion, and the practice of dealing with our anger is also the practice of loving.
According to the treaty when ever you feel anger is coming up as a form of energy, you should not let it alone. You have to invite mindfulness to come up also, because anger comes up from a seed and mindfulness also comes from a seed. The seed of anger and the seed of mindfulness are always there inside you.
So every time the seed of anger comes up we invite the seed of mindfulness to come up and embrace the anger. Do not do anything, do not say anything, just hold on to your mindful breathing and take good care of your anger. That’s one of the articles of the treaty.
Another article of the treaty is that you have to communicate your suffering to the other person, not later than 24 hours, because it’s not healthy to keep the suffering to yourself for too long. We should not try to suppress our anger. According to the treaty you have to tell the other person that you are angry, that you suffer and you want him to know that you suffer, before the deadline of 24 hours. According to the article you have to tell him/her in a peaceful way- the practice of loving speech.
You can tell the truth-what is in your heart, but you tell it in a way that is calm. So before the deadline you may want to practice mindful breathing, mindful walking, so you have the calm that is necessary for communicating that to her/to him.
If the 24 hours is about to end and you have not found enough calm to communicate with him/her, the peace treaty provides you with an article to help you. That is the “peace note”. You write it down on a peace of paper, “Dear one, this morning you did this, you said this to me. I was very angry. I suffered a lot and I wanted you to know it.” And you sign your name, “yours not very happy right now.”
Usually the person who is suffering will have the right to meet with the other person in about a week to tell him/her about it, and the other person just accepts to listen, and not to reply. When you give the other person the note you will get a relief already. During the week you both look into the matter. If you find it is your wrong perceptions, your seed of anger is too big- then you have to call him/her right away to apologize. And if the other person discovered that he/she was not very mindful, telling you that or doing that, then she has to telephone in order to apologize. We should do it as soon as we find out, as soon as the insight comes, in order to stop the suffering of the other person and your own suffering.
So the “peace note” will help both sides continue the practice of deep looking. While you sweep the floor or cook dinner you can practice looking deeply: “What have I done that she would get angry like that? Have I done that kind of thing in the past? Yes, I have done things like that, out of my forgetfulness.” So that is the practice of meditation- looking deeply into the matter.
If the other person presses for a discussion you should always refuse, because discussing when you are angry is not a good thing. The only thing you can do is to wait for next week when you have the opportunity to tell her/him of your suffering. And the other person will listen only. Even if you say things that are not correct he will listen only. That is the practice of compassionate listening- listening in order to relieve the suffering in the heart of the other person, and not to criticize or to analyze or judge.
In the Buddhist circle there is a person whose name is Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of Deep Listening- she just listens. And that kind of listening is called compassionate listening. You listen with compassion in you heart so that the other person will suffer less. Because he has an opportunity to express his suffering to someone who has the capacity of listening, he will suffer less. So deep listening is one aspect of our practice and that is the practice of love.
The Peace Treaty
In order that we may live long and happily together, we the undersigned, wishing to restore our deepest love and understanding, gratefully agree as follows to these terms and conditions:
I, ……………………. (the one who is angry) agree to:
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practise breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself.
4. Calmly, within 24 hours, tell the one who “has made” me angry about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by note.
5. Ask for an appointment for later in the week (eg Friday night) to discuss this matter more thoroughly, either verbally or by note.
6. Not say: “1 am not angry. It’s okay. I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about – at least not enough to make me angry.”
7. Look deeply into my daily life while sitting, walking and breathing, in order to see:
¨the ways I have not been mindful or skilful enough
¨how I have hurt the other person because of my own habit energy
¨how the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger
¨how the other person suffers also
¨how his or her suffering waters the seed of my anger
¨how the other person is seeking relief from his/her own suffering
¨that as long as the other person suffers, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologise immediately, without waiting until the (Friday) meeting, as soon as I realise my unskilfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the (Friday) meeting if I do not yet feel calm enough to do it.
I, ………………………. ( the one who “has made” the other angry) agree to:
1. Respect the other person’s feelings, not ridicule him or her, and allow enough time for him or her to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm the other person’s request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure him or her that I will be there.
4. Practise breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself to see how:
¨ I have the seeds of unkindness and anger as well as the habit energy to make the other person unhappy.
¨ I have sought relief from my own suffering by making the other person suffer.
¨ By making him or her suffer, I make myself suffer.
5. Apologise as soon as I realise my unskilfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself or waiting until the (Friday) meeting.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Signed on this …………..day of………….in the year……………, in the presence of the Sangha in …………………………………..
The following is a transcription of a taped talk entitled "Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is the description of how his community uses the “Peace Treaty” - a practice for the mindful handling of conflict. Below that is the actual treaty document.
In Plum Village (Thich Nhat Hahn’s community in France), when we experience conflict, we practice the “peace treaty” to maintain communication. It is a practice to relieve our suffering without harming the other person, without harming our self. We use the peace treaty to deal with our wrong perceptions, our anger, our irritation. Every time you notice that anger is coming up, you start practicing the peace treaty. In Plum village, all of us sign the peace treaty and commit to practicing it.
Anger and hatred are the opposite of loving kindness and compassion, and the practice of dealing with our anger is also the practice of loving.
According to the treaty when ever you feel anger is coming up as a form of energy, you should not let it alone. You have to invite mindfulness to come up also, because anger comes up from a seed and mindfulness also comes from a seed. The seed of anger and the seed of mindfulness are always there inside you.
So every time the seed of anger comes up we invite the seed of mindfulness to come up and embrace the anger. Do not do anything, do not say anything, just hold on to your mindful breathing and take good care of your anger. That’s one of the articles of the treaty.
Another article of the treaty is that you have to communicate your suffering to the other person, not later than 24 hours, because it’s not healthy to keep the suffering to yourself for too long. We should not try to suppress our anger. According to the treaty you have to tell the other person that you are angry, that you suffer and you want him to know that you suffer, before the deadline of 24 hours. According to the article you have to tell him/her in a peaceful way- the practice of loving speech.
You can tell the truth-what is in your heart, but you tell it in a way that is calm. So before the deadline you may want to practice mindful breathing, mindful walking, so you have the calm that is necessary for communicating that to her/to him.
If the 24 hours is about to end and you have not found enough calm to communicate with him/her, the peace treaty provides you with an article to help you. That is the “peace note”. You write it down on a peace of paper, “Dear one, this morning you did this, you said this to me. I was very angry. I suffered a lot and I wanted you to know it.” And you sign your name, “yours not very happy right now.”
Usually the person who is suffering will have the right to meet with the other person in about a week to tell him/her about it, and the other person just accepts to listen, and not to reply. When you give the other person the note you will get a relief already. During the week you both look into the matter. If you find it is your wrong perceptions, your seed of anger is too big- then you have to call him/her right away to apologize. And if the other person discovered that he/she was not very mindful, telling you that or doing that, then she has to telephone in order to apologize. We should do it as soon as we find out, as soon as the insight comes, in order to stop the suffering of the other person and your own suffering.
So the “peace note” will help both sides continue the practice of deep looking. While you sweep the floor or cook dinner you can practice looking deeply: “What have I done that she would get angry like that? Have I done that kind of thing in the past? Yes, I have done things like that, out of my forgetfulness.” So that is the practice of meditation- looking deeply into the matter.
If the other person presses for a discussion you should always refuse, because discussing when you are angry is not a good thing. The only thing you can do is to wait for next week when you have the opportunity to tell her/him of your suffering. And the other person will listen only. Even if you say things that are not correct he will listen only. That is the practice of compassionate listening- listening in order to relieve the suffering in the heart of the other person, and not to criticize or to analyze or judge.
In the Buddhist circle there is a person whose name is Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of Deep Listening- she just listens. And that kind of listening is called compassionate listening. You listen with compassion in you heart so that the other person will suffer less. Because he has an opportunity to express his suffering to someone who has the capacity of listening, he will suffer less. So deep listening is one aspect of our practice and that is the practice of love.
The Peace Treaty
In order that we may live long and happily together, we the undersigned, wishing to restore our deepest love and understanding, gratefully agree as follows to these terms and conditions:
I, ……………………. (the one who is angry) agree to:
1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
2. Not suppress my anger.
3. Practise breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself.
4. Calmly, within 24 hours, tell the one who “has made” me angry about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by note.
5. Ask for an appointment for later in the week (eg Friday night) to discuss this matter more thoroughly, either verbally or by note.
6. Not say: “1 am not angry. It’s okay. I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about – at least not enough to make me angry.”
7. Look deeply into my daily life while sitting, walking and breathing, in order to see:
¨the ways I have not been mindful or skilful enough
¨how I have hurt the other person because of my own habit energy
¨how the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger
¨how the other person suffers also
¨how his or her suffering waters the seed of my anger
¨how the other person is seeking relief from his/her own suffering
¨that as long as the other person suffers, I cannot be truly happy.
8. Apologise immediately, without waiting until the (Friday) meeting, as soon as I realise my unskilfulness and lack of mindfulness.
9. Postpone the (Friday) meeting if I do not yet feel calm enough to do it.
I, ………………………. ( the one who “has made” the other angry) agree to:
1. Respect the other person’s feelings, not ridicule him or her, and allow enough time for him or her to calm down.
2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
3. Confirm the other person’s request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure him or her that I will be there.
4. Practise breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself to see how:
¨ I have the seeds of unkindness and anger as well as the habit energy to make the other person unhappy.
¨ I have sought relief from my own suffering by making the other person suffer.
¨ By making him or her suffer, I make myself suffer.
5. Apologise as soon as I realise my unskilfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself or waiting until the (Friday) meeting.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Signed on this …………..day of………….in the year……………, in the presence of the Sangha in …………………………………..